New Computer New Lifestyle
by mysoxlike2party
Summary: Ai and the gang go shopping for a new computer for Ai. Her old ass computer needs to go, I'm sorry. Kind of a follow up from a previous story, Technical Difficulties, but you don't need to read that one to understand this one.
1. Chapter 1

**Anime**: Hell Girl (Jigoku Shoujo)  
**Rating**: K+ I believe.  
**Warnings**: I don't think there's any OOCness in here. I think.  
**Disclaimer**: Don't own Hell Girl. Why do we need to say we don't own the anime? It's freakin' obvious!  
**Notes**: Kind of continuing from my previous Hell Girl fic, "Technical Difficulties". Doesn't really matter if you read that one, but whatever. Life shall go on~!

* * *

Everyone agreed. Ai's computer was older than her grandma.

"Hey! That's not funny!" Snapped Ai's grandma.

Ok... so with the exception of Ai's grandma, everyone agreed Ai's computer was older than her grandma. Was it, perhaps... time for a new computer?

"It'd be good for you, Miss! You've been with this one for so long. It's time you keep up with the technology of this modern world!" Ichi said enthusiastically, "Hey, I heard that new _**J-Pad **_is really great."

"Ai is not getting a _**J-Pad**_!" Disagreed Hone Onna, "She doesn't need to bring her computer with her anywhere she goes. But why not get a laptop? I mean, why not?"

Seriously. Why not. That's the only reason people get laptops. They fold, they close, they can fit in your book bag... I mean, hey. Why not?

"Laptops are no good!" Scoffed Wanyudo. "What our dear Ai needs is a _**Zacintosh.**_ Those can't get viruses."

"So freaking what?" Argued Ichi, "Fine, if she won't take that, then just get a _**Tindows 7**_. I heard _**Ticrosoft**_ really upped their game on 7. It's easy to use, too! Unlike a confusing _**Zacintosh**_, or _**Zacbook**_..."

Ai let her three companions argue over what type of computer Ai should get. She stared at her dinosaur computer. It has been with her for so long, and shes so used to the simple interface. It'd be really hard to adjust to a new fancy one that probably has a full color screen that includes more than black and red.

"Why not..." Began Ai, "Go to _**GreatBuy**_?"

Her assistants looked at her.

"_**GreatBuy?**_ Well, I guess why not?" Said Hone Onna.

"A store worker will probably know whats best for Ai." Said Wanyudo.

And so it was agreed.

* * *

The following day, Ai and her companions ventured out into the human world, so very disguised as usual. Well, maybe except Ichimoku. He wore the same damn pants and sweater. Wanyudo wore... well, er, normal old people clothes and Hone Onna wore casual street clothes. Ai wore her school girl outfit... but this time with a green scarf. Yea. Ai is the epitome of incognito.

They entered the huge store and were greeted by a worker.

"Hi there!" He squeaked, coming out of nowhere. He half scared Ichi. "Welcome to _**GreatBuy**_!"

"Er, Hi." Greeted Ichi back.

"My name is Jeff. Are you looking for anything in particular today?" He said with a slight but obvious Spanish accent.

"Um, well, she is." Said Ichi, looking at Ai who was, as usual, staring off into space.

"Ah! Something for your daughter, _**si**_?" Presumed Jeff.

"Uh, no she's not—"

"What about you, Mom?" He asked Hone Onna, "You looking for anything today? Perhaps the new... _**J-PHONE 4**_!" He exclaimed, pulling a _**J-Phone **_out of his pocket.

"Um, I'm not the mom—"

"What about Grandpa, here?" Said the now overly annoying Jeff. "_**Abuelito**_ wants a piece of this technology too!"

"OKAY, JEFF!" Said an irritated Ichimoku, "JUST DIRECT US TO THE COMPUTER SECTION PLEASE!"

"Ah. Um, this way, please." Jeff said quietly, leading the way. Once he lead them there, he said "Lemme get you a computer specialist."

Ichi sighed. "Bout time. That guy was getting on my last damn nerve."

"Tell me about it." Agreed Hone Onna.

Soon another worker approached them. He introduced himself, and looked to damn familiar.

"Hi! I'm Jeff, the _**GreatBuy**_ computer specialist."

"Um, didn't we just talk to you...?" Assumed Ichi, noticing he looked just like the previous Jeff.

"Ah! That was my twin brother. He's an annoying one, isn't he? Haha, _**no te precupes**_, no worries! I'm nothing like him." He explained.

"Good." Ichi said.

Jeff picked up Ichimoku's hand and began caressing it."I'm more of a... lover, not a fighter. _**Comprende**_?" He said seductively.

Ichimoku jerked his hand away. "Can we get a real computer specialist here, _**por favor**_?"

"Is there a problem here?" Asked a female worker, approaching the scene.

"C-Can you please help us find a computer?" Begged Ichi.

"Of course! I got this, Jeff. _**Gracias. Adios**_." She shooed Jeff away. "Sorry about that. He's a bit... _flamboyant_. Were trying to get him to stop doing that to the customers."

"It's alright. Now, can we get to the computers...?" Asked Hone Anna.

"Is there any type of computer in particular you guys are looking for?" She asked. "My name's Jessica, by the way."

"Actually we just want a new computer. Been stuck with the same computer for years..." Explained Hone Onna.

"What computer was it?"

"Um..." Hone Onna turned to Ichi. "What was it? A _**Tindows 2000**_?"

"Isn't it a _**95**_?" Said Ichi.

"It's just really really old." She said to Jessica. Jessica laughed.

"Alright, alright. So you want something more modern?"

"Yes!"

Jessica directed them to a row of nice looking computers.

"I assume you still want a _**Tindows**_ based computer." She said. Ichi and Hone Onna nodded.

"Well, if you're looking for something simple but still gets the job done nicely, a_** Tindows XQ **_is fine, and cheap. Or if you want something with a little more OOMPH, I recommend the _**Zista**_. OR, OR, If you want something flawless, I totally recommend the **_Tindows 7_**. It's brilliant."

"Well, Miss? It's your computer. It's only fair you choose." Said Ichi to Ai.

"Money is not a problem, Ai. Pick whichever." Added Hone Onna.

Ai, looking as clueless as ever, looked up at Ichi. "OK. I choose..."

* * *

"Very nice choice." Said Jessica, pulling out her keys to get Ai's computer package from behind the glass doors. She removed the computer package and took it to a cash register.

"Thank you so much," Said Ichimoku, "You were really helpful."

"Let me just find someone to ring this up for you, and you'll be ready to go." She went off to search and left Hone Onna rummaging through her purse to find the right credit card.

"I can tell Ai is excited. She looks somewhat more alert of her surroundings today." Commented Ichimoku. Ai ignored that comment and resumed staring off into space. Ichimoku heard the sound of someone scanning a barcode and looked over.

"Hi! I'm Jeff, the _**GreatBuy**_ Assistant Manager. Did you find everything you were looking for today, _**Señorita**_?" He asked ever so smiley about it.

"Um... yes." Replied Hone Onna, seriously disturbed, swiping her credit card.

"Would you be interested in a FREE one year magazine subscription to _**Peoplezzz Magazine**_?" He asked. As tempting as it sounded, Hone Onna knew better.

"No, sorry."

"Not a _Peoplezzz_ person I see!" He remarked, laughing out loud. "How about _**Man's Health**_?" He eyed Ichimoku with a creepy smile.

"No." Said Hone Onna.

"_**Mary Clairly**_?"

"No."

"_**Much ****Better House and Gardens**_?"

"No."

"_**Gay Monthly**_?"

"Definite No!" Exclaimed Ichimoku, "**We don't want any damn magazines**!"

Somehow, somehow, they managed to not order any free magazines. Because everyone knows they start charging you once your free year has expired.

* * *

"I really like the computer Miss chose." Said Ichi, sitting down in Ai's room.

"Me too. The lady was nice enough to throw in a printer for 50% off. I really liked that Jessica girl. I'll be coming back to that GreatBuy." Said Hone Onna

"I ain't goin' back. The Jeffs' freaking traumatized me." Said Ichi. Hone Onna laughed.

"How's it running, Ai?" Asked Hone Onna.

Ai took a while to respond. "It runs... fast. Thank you Hone Onna... Ichimoku Ren... and Wanyudo. I appreciate this very very much."

"It was nothing." Said Wanyudo.

"My name is Enma Ai. . ." Began the Hell Girl, ". . .I'm a PC, And _**Tindows 7**_ was my idea."

* * *

**I think I did a good job on this one. Nice follow up to "Technical Difficulties", eh? _Ticrosoft_ and _Zacintosh_ are obvious parodies of you know what. And so was _GreatBuy_. And anything else in there that seemed familiar. Kinda added and fixed summore stuff because I felt I really could have done better. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Anime**: Hell Girl (Jigoku Shoujo)  
**Rating**: T, becuase of ONE I repeat ONE swear word.  
**Warnings**: I don't think there's any OOCness in here. I think.  
**Disclaimer**: Don't own Hell Girl.  
**Notes**: Second and last chapter to this "New Computer New Lifestyle" story. Enjoy~!

* * *

Ever since Ai bought and began using her new computer, her job has been so much more easier.

"I can now read my emails without waiting 2 minutes for each to show up." Said Ai.

It's faster.

"Instead of 2 minutes it's 2 seconds." She said.

It's prettier.

"I love all the customization I'm able to do." She said.

It's funner.

"I like the games it's pre-installed with." She said.

It's easier.

"I know exactly where things are, and why they're there." She said.

But most importantly...

"I can now read my Astrology page without the browser freezing and crashing on me." She said.

Ai adored her _**Tindows 7**_. It was everything she could ever want in a computer and more.

So you can imagine how much melancholy she was in when her computer got a virus. Well, Ai wasn't one to show her emotions though.

"Why is my computer directing me to Pornography websites." Said Ai to Ichimoku who was looking away from the screen..

"I dunno, Miss!" He said, hand covering face. "Have you downloaded anything suspicious?"

"Not really. The last thing I downloaded promised me a free pancake. If there's anything my grandmother taught me, it was to never deny a free pancake." She explained.

"Miss, I think you got a virus!"

"I do not get sick. I am the Hell Girl." Explained Ai.

"No, not you, Miss! I think your computer is sick!"

"If there's another thing my grandmother taught me, is that inanimate objects cannot get sick."

"Not _literally_. I mean... you downloaded a file that was harmful to your computer! That free pancake offer was a _lie_!" Exclaimed Ichi.

Ai stood up from her chair and stated, "I will send the liar who offered me the free pancake to **Hell**." She expressed.

"Can you do that, Miss?"

She sat back down. "I don't know. I just want all these pornography pop ups to leave." She half sobbed.

"Well, we didn't exactly buy an Anti-Virus software." Admitted Ichi.

"What's that?" Ai asked. Ichi sighed. He doesn't even have a computer but apparently he knows more about this stuff than Ai, the Hell Girl herself.

"I'm afraid we'll need to take another trip to _**GreatBuy**_... unfortunately."

* * *

Ichimoku gulped and bravely took the first step into the colossal _**GreatBuy**_ electronics store. No annoying greeter. Ichimoku breathed a sigh of relief. To soon, apparently.

"Hi!" Greeted a familiar irritating voice that Ichimoku wanted to strangle to death. "Welcome to _**GreatBuy**_! My name is Jeff, are you—"

"ANTI-VIRUS SOFTWARE SECTION. NOW!" Stated Ichimoku. Jeff the Greeter smiled and said "Right this way!" It was only Ichimoku and Ai that went to _**GreatBuy**_ this time. They followed Jeff.

"Jeff! What are you doing in the Anti-Virus section? You're a greeter! You GREET!" Shouted an angry voice from the next aisle.

"Sorry! I had to direct this beautiful young man and his daughter to the Anti-Virus section!" He apologized. He looked and Ichi and smiled. "Lemme just you an Anti-Virus specialist!"

"I swear, if Jeff the Anti-Virus specialist appears I'm gonna—"

"Hi, I'm Matt, the Anti-Virus specialist." Introduced a man that looked nothing like Jeff.

"So, do you know which Anti-Virus you want?" Asked Matt.

"Not really. We have this virus on our computer and—"

"You want it removed? Just bring that here and we'll do that for you. Free of charge if you buy Morton 360." He swiftly presented a Morton 360 Anti-Virus software.

_This guy can bargain!_ Thought Ichimoku. "We'll take it!" He said.

"Wonderful!"

They bought the software and brought the computer in the same day.

"Hi! I'm Jeff the _**GreatBuy**_ Computer Specialist and— say, you look familiar!" Jeff exclaimed.

Ichimoku placed his hand on top of the box that Ai's computer was in. "Yea... our computer got a virus. Fix it for us."

"No problem." Said Jeff, putting his hand on top of Ichi's. "I'll do... _anything_ for you, _**mi amor**_."

"Then you better remove your hand before I remove it from it's socket!" Warned Ichimoku, obviously sick of Jeff's shit.

Jeff laughed nervously and promptly removed his hand, a little scared. "Let me get you a number and a receipt so you can come pick it up later." He said, picking up the box.

"And maybe **I **can pick **you** up later on for a **da**—"

He was promptly interrupted by a female hand over his mouth. Jessica, the computer specialist from the previous story smiled.

"Sorry! Were still trying to get him to stop doing that." She apologized, and removed her hand.

"_**Dios mio**_, Jessica! Why are you always hovering over me when I'm dealing with the _**clientes**_?" Scoffed Jeff.

"Because, Jeff, somehow you manage to drive customers away and they never return. You can go ahead and put that computer _**atrás**_." Ordered Jessica, sending Jeff off. She looked at Ichimoku, smiled and once again apologized for Jeff.

* * *

Ai got her computer back the next day, good as new. Ichimoku helped install Morton 360 to her computer and if Ai ever tried to install a free pancake again, the program would stop her. Ichimoku was now happy to know there would not be a need to go back to _**GreatBuy **_for a long long time.

* * *

"I spilled tea on my keyboard. What do I do now." Said Ai to her three faithful assistants.

"I ain't goin. Hone Onna can take you herself." Said Ichimoku.

"My credit card's maxed out. Tell Wanyudo." Said Hone Onna.

"I'm old, so my bones are very weak. I do not feel like walking." Said Wanyudo.

"Hey! I have an idea! Ask that spider that talks to you to accompany to _**GreatBuy**_!" Suggested Ichimoku.

That shopping trip ended up with Jeff the Greeter almost killing the poor spider that was happily perched on Ai's shoulder with a broom.

* * *

** I personaly really like the Jeffs I created for this story. ^^ They are the comic relief, I guess. Thank you for reading the last chapter to this story! Oh, and to note, the spanish words Jeff said , _'mi amor' _means my love, _'dios mio' _means my god, and '_clientes'_ means clients. And '_Atras'_ means in back. **


End file.
